i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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