I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Randomize
