waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
