so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
i believe in u and ur pee
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
