i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Did you just see the Batmobile???
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
