Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
