I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
