I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
did i walk over a car last night?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
