Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
