i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
