After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
