I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
