He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
