My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
