the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
