We won't sleep together?
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Only a mothe r could love this liver
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
