I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Acid is not a monday night drug
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Randomize
