i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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