Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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