just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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