You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
