I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Randomize
