the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
