legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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