We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
