did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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