U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
