girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
