He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
