I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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