From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Randomize
