Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
