i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
