with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
