Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
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