It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
