If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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