I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
