Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
