Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
