If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
