I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
