I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
