I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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