Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
