nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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