In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
