I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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