She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
even my farts smell like vagina
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
