If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
