We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
