It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
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